i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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