Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize