we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
