if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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