census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize