I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
