So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
