What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
