Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
