I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
