1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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