I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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