I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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