I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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