it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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