I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize