I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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