Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
