And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
