You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
