We need to rekindle our bromance
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
