He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think my mom watched the whole time
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He keeps bees of course he's weird
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
