I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
