i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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