My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
