I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
