If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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