The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
