I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
