He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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