Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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