I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
