im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
if only i could text you this smell
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
