Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
