Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
