you guys were way drunker than both of me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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