My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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