Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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