she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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