drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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