There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
