People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
