So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
