i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
