yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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