the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
