Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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