for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
