he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
