Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
