I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
