hotel room ftw
That's intense
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize