Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
