is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
