Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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