im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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