her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
