Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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