i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
