so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
