I hate your face
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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