Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
