I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We left the knife in your bed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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